i V 



7^ k'Tf.fcT 



French's International Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and 
the United States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors 



THE TRIALS OF 

A HOSTESS 



B aomeDv> in ^bree Bets 



MARY F. KINGSTON 



Copyright, 1915, by Samuel French 



NOTICE.— Amateurs do not require permission to produce this 
play. All other rights are reserved. 



PRICE 25 CENTS 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 



28-30 WEST 3Sth STREET STRAND 



e ® ® 



THE FORTUNE HUNTER. 

A Charming Comedy in four acts, by Winchell Smith. The cast calls 
for seventeen males and three females, but by doubling: a number of the 
small male parts it can be played by eleven males and three females. 
Three interior and one exterior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2i 
hours. 

It is upon the advice and capital of his friends that Nat Duncan, thv*^ 
young fortune bimter, decides to embark upon a wife-hunting expedi- 
tion. The scheme is to go to a small town and live very quietly for on» 
year. The theory upon which the pursuit is conducted is that in a 
small town there is at least one girl who has a fortune. All the youn"? 
men who are worth while move away to larger cities to malce their 
fortunes, but the poor girls have to remain behind, and those who are 
really above the average are forced to remain single, because they wil\ 
not marry the riflf-raff which remains, according to the theorists. Thia 
leaves Duncan with a clear field in any town which he selects. 

Duncan's experiences prove the theory. The village banker's daugh' 
ter really falls in love with him, and in accordance with expectations 
it is actually she who proposes before the end of the year. But there is 
no such sordid end to the tale. It has been a part of the program that 
Nat should work during his year of residence in the village. He has^ 
found that work is really interesting, and brings its own rewards. He 
has become a successful business man while endeavoring to win an easy 
fortune, and at the same time he has found the girl who can make him 
happy, and its does not happen to be the girl with the fortune. 

It is a charming, wholesome story, touched with tender humor and 
filled with Quaint philosophy, with just the sort of love interest that 
makes one glad to know about, because it is both pure and sincere. 

" The Fortune Hunter " is one of the most successful comedies pro- 
duced in New York in the last decade. It had a most phenomenal run 
and is still on tour. Price, 50 cents. 

PEACEFUL VALLEY. 

A comedy in three acts, by Edward E. Kidder. 7 males, 4 females. 

This wonderful play, known all over the United States and Canada, 
had just attained its majorit.v and is a classic of its kind. It made the 
fame of its author, Edward E. Kidder, and was largely responsible for 
the great success of the late lovable Sol Smith Russel, who created the 
part of Hosea Howe. It has been performed over five thousand times 
and is still in great demand. " Peaceful Valley " is a sweet idyl of the 
heart with three charming love stories twined about it, and throbs with 
humanity, bubbles with fun, and thrills with pathos- The " human 
touches '* that round out the history of the brave, awkward, tender- 
hearted young fellow, who waited on the table of a summer hotel to 
earn the money to send him through college, his love for his mother, 
" who has the whole of "Peaceful Valley on her mind," his adoration 
for the daughter of the New York millionaire, his flashes of awkward 
wit, his righteous wrath against wrongdoers, all make up a complex and 
marvelous character. Ten other Quaint, hateful or lovable people are 
in the play: comic, serious, detestable, pitiable, and fine. There arfe 
over two hours of intense enjoyment and the play is clean and uplift- 
ing. Not a character in it is unworthy of being played, and all the 
parts are good. In the shadowed stage of to-day "Peaceful Valley" 
shines out a beacon light ! 

The play particularly appeals to college men and college women. 
The characters are so simple that they are easily played by amateurs- 
Price, 50 cents. 



These plays are subject to royalty when produced. 
Our 124 Page Catalogue Sent Free on Application. 



THE TRIALS OF 

A HOSTESS 



B vJomeO^ in Hbree Bets 



ny 



MARY F. KINGSTON 



COPYKMiHT, li>ir), BY SAMUBf; I'KENCH 



NO'l'K'R.^AmatiMii-s do not ivuuii-e i)Brmis.siou to i»rodnco this 
play. All other )-ieht."s aiv reserved. 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th Street 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 






THP96-0066C3 
J'^NMi^ 39489 



l«v.-.V. ^ 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS 



PROLOGUE. 

(rood Friends, in days gone by, when Art was young. 
And Drama still was in its swaddling clothes, 
There was a Go-Between 'twixt pit and stage. 

And oftentimes, the People — waiting for a thrill- 

Were gently 'prised of what was next to come. 

Bnt mayhap, their imaginations were less keen : 

And settings for the stage (less artfully done) 

Made explanation requisite. 

And so — they had a Prologue. 
\Ve need no explanation for this play; 
The action, you will see, is simple quite; 
The scene is one of no unusual place ; 
Xoi' are the people of a type unknown. 

To lia\e me come before, is but a whim — — 

For I am PROLOGUE. 
And the purport of my mission's this: 

We crave your kind indulgence, and goodwill 

And, if perchance, we make a smile rise to your lips, 

We shall consider that the evening has been one 

Of profit to you. Friends, and to Ourselves, as well. 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 



CAST OP CHARACTERS. 

Mirs. Montgomery. .President of The Women's Gen- 
eral Jnformalion Club — and I/Osiess of the 
Day 

Mi^s. Gekald de Vausney A Society Woinan 

Miss \'otixe A Spinster and Suffragette 

Mks. Joe Erbic A tactless Chatterhoj- 

Miss x\cribel A ^Cynical and Doleful Old Maid 

Bridget Stupid Irish — fresli from " The Ould Sod " 

Secretary 

Treasurer 

Mrs. iS^ ordica-Situman n-Heinck- Warbler 

Mrs. (' n aminade-Beethoven-Jones 



ACT I. 



ScM.vE: — Mrs. Montgomery's livino- rooin. 
TiMi-:: — Morning. 

ACT II. 

Scene: — The same. 
Tim e : — Afternoon . 

ACT III. 

Scene: — The same. 
Time :— An hour later. 



The Trials of a Hostess 



ACT I. 

ScivNK: — \li:8. Montcjomery's //'/•///// room. Poor af 
center hack, /ending into hall. Door at left, 
leading into dining room. A table desk at right 
jronl. Oil ir /licit is a- te/ep/tone and l/\r morning's 
mai/. /loom sJioiVfi comfort, hut not great 
iccalt/i. (Uuiain rises on onphj stage. 

{Killer MiJs. MoNTOOMEKY, //o/// dining room. She 
is dressed in an attractive morning (joirn. Willi 
dig nit I/, s.'ie iral/i's lo t/ie desk: opens /ler niaii. 
and hegins to read. No word i§ spoken. I'Jnter 
I>inn()E'r. S/ie is red-lteaded, c/umsy and lalka- 
lire. S/ie is no/ orer-neat — and comes in irit/i 
l/ic dis/i rlol/i in one liand. and a saucepan in the 
otlier. ) 

lii.'iiMJET. {Walking rapidly lo Mils. MoNT- 
comery's side) Did yez call iniuu? Tlie wJiilst Oi 
wiiz ji-wurrkin' all aloiu' by niesilf, thinks Oi to iiie- 
siir thinks Oi. there's the new missus a-ealliii' of 
me — and Oi asks ye this, mum, did yez jist call out 
loike this lieir: {Screams) Bri-i(l-i>-j^e-e-t ^ 

Mks. Mon'i'c.omery. {Ag/tast) \A'hy no, Bridget, 
T didn't call, and even if F had, you should have 
(■(•me ill without a \vor(L and waited for my instruc- 
tions. r>nt I <h> not shout — 1 IMN(J wlien I want 
you. 

5 



6 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

Bridget. {Tlumhly) Yis'm, Mrs. Mont — Mont 
— Monty ■ 

Mrs. M. (Helping her out) Mrs. Montgomery, 
Bridget. « 

Bridget. (Sniilmg) All right and yis mum, 
Mrs. (SwaUoiving) Montry. (Bridget starts to 
leave the room hut is recalled) 

Mrs. M. While you are here, Bridget, I might 
as well tell you a few things^ about my work. I am 
very i)articular about the way my house looks. 
(Emphatically) I have a place for everything, and 
I want eveiything in its place. Look about you as 
you go through the rooms (Bridget gapes around 
the room) and see where things are kept, and then 
be sure that everything is where it belongs. 

Bridget. Yis'm. (She starts out of the room, 
agwin) 

Mrs. M. And, another thing, Bridget. At break- 
fast time you put everything on the table at once. 
Please remember that I want only the fruit on at 
first — then the cereal — and then the rest of the 
breakfast. Do you think you will remember? 

Bridget. Yis. It's a grab-bag-party ye want to 
be a- pi ay in' — ye know what ye'\e got now, and it's^ 
a guess whot ye'll git nixt. All roight, Oi'll remem- 
ber. (She starts out of tlie room again) 

Mrs. M. (Ignoring this remark, and recalling 
Bridget once more) And now about lunch. I ex- 
pect to have a very busy morning, and I want to 
tell you about tJiOoc things now so that you will 
not bother me later. (Slowly and emphatically) 
We'll have some shirred eggs-on-Jtoast ; (Bridget 
stares at her blankly) some baked potatoes; (Bridget 
smiJes comprehendingly) some snow pudding; 
(Bridget's jair drops) and some cocoa. Can you 
iix these things without help? 

Bridget. (Bravely) Yis'm, sure and Oi can! 
(Bridget gets as far as the dining room door, when 
Mrs. Montgomery thinks of something else) 



THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. 7 

Mbs. M. Oh, yes, I want to tell you about this 
afternoon. I am going to ha\e my Cliih here. 

(Bridget, in terror, drops the saucepan with a 

clatter,) 

HRJi).ii:T. {(leniiinely olarined) Yev chib? 

Mrs. M. {Unconsciously^ arranging her hair) 
Why, yes, my Club. I shall have it here most of the 
<M i'ternoon, and I do want ,you to act as you should. 

Bridget. (Starinf/ fixedly at Mrs. Montgomery) 
Ver club is it? {Aside} Bejabbers, is it a club 
she'll be usin' on the poor loikes nv me! Oh, why 
did Oi iver lave Ould Oirland, if they're goin' to use 
i\ clnb on me if Oi don't act roight. {Arranging 
her hair and iniijating Mns. Montgomery) Yis, 
Oi'll ha\e me clnb here most of the afthernoon, and 
Oi want yez to act as ye should. {Straightening 
up) But Oi'ni Oirish, Oi am, and it's not Bridget 
O'Flinnigiii thot's goin' to stand it quiet loike. 

Mrs. M. {Looking up and- noticing Bridget's 
consternation) Why, what's the matter, Bridget? 
Surely you're not afraid of a Woman's Club? 

I'RiDGET. {Brarely to Mrs. Montgomery) Oli. 
no! {Aside) Well, it's hearty glad Oi am it's not 
}i mon's club ! .\ mon's clul) makes me think o' me 
poor, dead father (rest his soul!) Oi can feel his 
good stout club a-llyin' around me head even yet. 
{Aloud to Mrs. Montgomery) Bui whot are ye 
goin' to do wid yer club? 

Mrs. M. Why, I am not going to do anything 
with it. It meets here. 

Bridget. {Puzzled) Jt uieets, does it? 01^ all 
the clubs Oi iver heard, ivery last wan uv thim would 
t)eat — not meet! And, annyway, Oi don't know wot 
is a woman's club. Oi know wot is a cudgel, and 
a shellaley, but cut me up and throw me ont doors. 
if iver Oi beard of a woman s club! 

Mrs. M. {Patiently) But yon don't understand, 



<S THE TEIAL8 OF A HOSTESS. 

Bridget. Tt is a vsociety composed of several women 
with whom I am acquainted. To-day the society 
will come here — and in two weeks o]ie of the other 
women will entertain. Now do you understand? 

BRij;rrET. (Sniilinci hroadly) Oh, bad cess to me 
Kthupid head I A society is it, and yez call it a club? 
Oi'U be ask in' yer pardon fer not knowhi'. 

Mils. M. That's all right, Bridget— and now that 
you know wliat a club is, I'll tell you wliat you must 
do when il is bere. Have you a black dress. 

Bridget. {EniliusiasticaV y) Yis, Oi have — it's 
Ihe wan Oi used to wear to mass in Oirland, and 
there wuzn^t a gurrl in the village thot had anny 
better, cause me mother toidd me so. It's a very 
stylish drcss^ — would y^'A loike to be afther seein' it? 
(EifiDGE'r <iral)s up ilie saucepan, which, lias been 
lying on the floor unnoiiced hy her — and starts to 
rush from the room) 

Mrs. M. {Hastily) No, Bridget, no. I am sure 
it will be all right. And have you a clean cap and 
apron ? 

Bridget. {Proudly) Yis, Oi have. Oi made 
tJiim lueself before Oi left Oirland. 

Mrs. M. Well, you an; to wear the black dress 
tbis afternoon- 

Bridget. {Inlerrupdng on tJie tvord " after- 
)}Oon'^) — but it's me Best-Sunday-Dress-up-and-go- 
to-church-in-it dress, and to-day ain't Sunday — it's 
only Wednesday! 

Mrs. M. {Si>r(irJ.y) Ijisten to mq, Bridget. 
You iuust not interrupt me when I am speaking. 
If you wish to stay here, you must obey me without 
reply. You are to wear your black dress; a clean 
white apron ; and a clean cap ! 

BitiDGET. {Meeldy) Yis'm. 

Mrs. M. And I want you to go to the front door 
«)romptly. {ShaJces tier finger at Bridget) Be 
listening for the door bell, and please act as though 
yon were used to it. And don't peep out two or 



THE TEIALS OF A HOSTESS. 9 

three times to see who is there before you open the 
door. Try to make people think you have been with 
me a long, long time. That will do — you may go. 
{Exit Bridget. Mrs. Montgomery solVoquizing) 
What ever am I to do with that girl ! I thought Jean- 
nette was bad enough, but this one — she's impossible! 
But I'll have to keep her until to-morrow, and 
then — (Mrs. Montgomery starts to read her mail. 
She has but just begun when the 'phone rings. She 
draws it to her. Mrs. Montgomery answering) 
Yes — Yes, this is Mrs. Montgomery. Who? — Oh, 
yes, Mrs. De Yausney, how do you do? — That's 
Liood — Yes. it is this afternoon. — Oh, did she? — 
That's riglit, we will start at three o'clock. Yes, 
I am so glad you can be with us. — I was afraid you 
would not be home fi-om yonr summer place in 
time. — Yes. — {Thoughtfully) Why, we expect to 
have the regular business meeting, and then a very 
attractive program, / think. — Well, for one thing — 
Miss Yotine is to read a paper on " The Effect of 
H]qual Suffrage on the Price of Mucilage." — Yes, it 
sliould be very helpful. — What did you say? — Oh, 
yes. — And then, Mrs. Erric was to have read a paper 
on '• depose, the Keynote of Health " — but she got 
so excited over it that we were afraid she would be 
too ill to come to the meeting at all, so we excused 
])er. Miss Acribel is to take Jier place. — She is 
going to read an original poem entitled, *' What's 
the Use?" — Yes, it will be an excellent meeting. 
{Surprised) — No, 1 luidn't heard about it. — What a 
time you are liaving, to be sure. This servant prob- 
lem is certainly a serious one. — Yes, I got a new 
<»ne yesterday. — Irish. A^erdant green — and you 
know what that means I — So, she doesn't seem to 
have had the sliglitest experience.—I certainly hope 
so! — AIJ right, Mrs. De Yausney, I shall expect you 
this aLternoon. Good-bye. (Mrs. Montgomery 
(Hice more tries to read her mail) 

])\tw(M:T. {Fohimj her head in at the dining 



10 THE TlilALS OF A HOSTESS. 

room door— and in a strident voice) Mrs. Mont- 
gomery, how in the name of the liowly saints d'yez 
git the eggs shirred f Ivory toime Oi put the ueedlo 
througli wan uv thim, the insides all run outside — 
and if ye'll tell me anny other way to shir chim 
Oi'U be obliged for ivermore. (Mks. Montgomrry 
does not answer, hut hastily leaves for the Icitchen. 
The door hell rings. Bridget dashes Ihrongh the 
room, into the front hall, and returns, half-dragging 
Mrs. Eeric. Mrs. Erric is dumbfounded to he 
thus received. Bridget hospitably) Yis, Mrs. 
Montgomery is to hum, and she says to me loike 
this, sez she, ' Bridget, listen fer the door bell and 
act as if ye wuz used to it' — so when it rang, runs 
Oi through the liouse — and here ye are. (Proudly 
surveys Mrs. EiJRic, much to Mrs Erric's discom- 
fiture) 

Mrs. Erric. (Nervously and fussily) All right, 
all right. Please tell Mrs. Montgomery that Mrs. 
Erric would like to see her. 

. Bridget. (Jnterestedly) Is thot yer name? Me 
name is Bridget — Bridget O'Flinnigin. Say, have 
yez lived in Americy very long. 

Mrs. E. (Trying to sr/uelch her) All my life. 

Bridget. {Undawnted) Have yez? Oi haven't. 
Oi've lived here only a week. Thot ain't very long- — 
but it's long enough to be talked about! 

Mrs. E. (Curiously) Talked about? 

Bridget. Yis, and in this house, too. I corned 
here yisterday marnin', and in the afthernoon they 
v\-uz a-talkin' about me. Mrs. Montgomery had three 
foine ladies hero to play cards. Oi know wot they 
wuz a-doin' cuz I peeked. Did yez iver peek, mum? 

Mrs. Erric. (Uncomfortably) Of course not! 
(Mrs. Erric sits down. She grows impatient) 

Bridgei\ Well, it's glad Oi am thot Oi did. 
Whilst they wuz playin' wid the cards, Mrs. Mont- 
gomery picked her bunch up, and looked at thim. 
She acted loike she wuz playin', but she wuz talkin' 



THE IMllALS OP A HOSTESS. 11 

about me. Oi couldn't hear wot she said at first, 
but then she said right out loud, 'Bridge it' — and 
Oi yells back, ' Eh?' Iverbody jumped as if they'd 
seen a ghost. Oi guess it wuz their conscience thot 
bit 'em. It's unlucky to listen so I runned away — 
but bye and bye Oi comed back, and as true as Oi'm 
sittin' l]ere (Brjdojct teas dmiding) wan of the 
other ladies laughed rale low, and then said 
* Bridge it.' Oi wouldn't stay to hear anny more. 
Oi ran to the kitchen and cried instid. And they 
kept a-sayin' 'pray do,' and so I did. 

Mes. E. {Smiling in spite of herself) Why, 
they weren't talking about you, Bridget, they were 
|)la^ing a game called Bridge, and they said ' bridge 
—it.' ' 

BKiDCiET. {Silling down in Ike cludr nearest 
Mrs. Ereic;, and' in a confidential manner) Oi 
might think ye wuz right if thot had been all. It 
wuzn't. Even Mr. Montgomery — him wot's the boss 
liere — talks about me. Last night they had com- 
pany. It wuz Mr. Saunders. He's an enginec]- 
without anny engine — loike Mr. Montgomery. Say, 
how can a mon l)e an engineer, whin all he does 
is to build railroads, and don't run anny engine at 
all, at all ? 

(Mrs. Eruk . luku has been- fussing with her hand- 
kerchief through lids one-sided conversation, 
gets up and changes tier chair in hopes of 
slopping Bridoet. ) 

\ii;s. E. {WaJliing to anolher ch.air) He is what 
they call a i'ivil engineei", I^ridget. 

Bridget. ' {Nolliin,g daunled, follows Mrs. P^ifRic 
and seals lierself close by I lie caller) C\\U, is it? 
Do yez think it's civil to be talkin' about a ])()or girl 
way olf froui her mothei", Oi don't I 

Mi;s. E. {Jlopelesslij) How do you kjiow that 
Wv. Montgouiery talked about you? 

ni.'in(;byi\ {J ni pressireh/) Oi Jieard lilm. Mr. 



12 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

Montgomeiy was talkin' to Mr. Saunders about a 
railroad. Oi wanted to listen, but the missus sint 
me out fer bread — and jist as Oi comed back in the 
room, Mr. Saunders leans over the table and sez 
rale slow-loike ^ But wot will ye do wid the cut ? ^ 
And Mr. Monts^oniery asks cmt quick and sharp 
loike, "Bridge it?' (Bridget slaps Mrs. Erric on 
the knee, and Mrs. Erric considerahly startled 
stalls to rise, and then seats Iterself again as 
Bridget goes on) Oi thouo^ht he wuz askin' of me, 
so Oi hollers out, 'Who's cut? Where is it?' They 
looked at me pretty ugly so Oi guess they wuzn't 
askin' me afther all but wuz jist talkin' about me. 
The missus fro^\Tied at me. and said ' Thot will do, 
Bridget/ so Oi wint out quick. 

Mrs. E. (Her patience exhausted) Yes, yes, 
but I'm in a hurry — please tell Mrs. Montgomery 
that Mrs. Erric is liere. 

Bridget. (Resignedhj) All roight, mum (Go- 
ing into the dining room and shouting her message) 
Mrs. Montgomery, here's Mrs. Electric! 

Mrs. M. (In the dining room) Hush, hush. 
Bridget, you mustn't shout so. 

(Enter Mrs. Montgomery.) 

Mrs. M. Good morning, Mrs. Erric. Do let me 
apologize for Bridget's behavior. (Confidentially) 
You see she is brand new in America, as well as 
here, and doesn't know just what is expected of her. 

Mrs. E. (Half -smiling) Oh, that's all right, 
only I don't know trhen T have been received like 
that before. (Chattering on) But never mind 
that — I came over to find out if to-day is the day 
for our club meeting, or for the lecture down at the 
Baptist Church. I never can remember such things. 
I know at the last meeting, Miss Yotine and I were 
talking about something, but I don't know what! 
Xow. do tell me. 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 13 

Mr.<. M. ^^^ly. it is our Club meeting. Don't 
you remember that you said it wt*uld be impossible 
for YOU to o-et your paper ready by October twenty- 
second ? 

Mrs. E. Oh. yes, now I remember — it had just 
sH]^|ied my mind. You see. I am so busy! Wliat 
with tl-.c babv to look after and Joe to please (al- 
though he's the dearest hnsband in all the world!) 
and mv housework and my marketing to do — and 
pveryfJiing to plan and watcli — T just can't seem to 
keep tilings straight. 

Mes. M. Yes. I su}3 

Mrs. E. {Bafflinn ori) — I was so sorry to dis- 
appoint you about the paper. '' Repose, flte Keynote 
of TleaUh " — but I simply couldn't do it. (Hastily) 
But I tried — really I did. I got out all of Joe's 
books, and looked through dozens of them, but not 
a word could I find about repose! And then. I 
looked in my doctor's book under the title of liealth. 
but there wasn't a single thing about l-ey notes! 
And, T got so excited — you've no idea how excited I 
got I Why. the other niglit when Joe came home 
there I wa>. >urrounded by books, having a good 
crv. Poor .Joe was so friofhtened. but when I ex- 
i^lained what was the matter and that I hadn't had 
time to get his supper ready, he was so .sweet — but 
tlien. you know, he's the dearest husband in all the 
\\crld. 

Mrs. M. Yes. I am >ure he must be ! 

Mrs. E. I don't know what women do who have 
cranky liusl)an<ls. I tell Joe that if he wei"e cranky 
at me, I should surely die. T just wouldn't live to 
be scolded- — but -loe never scolds. Sometimes he 
looks at me a little queerly. but it's only because he 
doesn't want me to be unha}>py. Joe told me to let 
sonie'»jic who had more time write the i)aper for the 
Club — so that's whv I a^ked to i'c excused. 

Mks. M. Oh. that is all 

AFus. E. {A'jain inffrruptiny) — But Tin so glad 



14 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

I didn't miss the meeting, for I tell Joe that al- 
though woman's place is in the home, she should 
broaden out as much as possible — and Joe think? 
I would be very foolish not to belong to this Club, 
when you and Mrs. De Vausney belona:, and you both 
have such fine social positions. I tell Joe that a 
woman should think of these things when choosing 
her friends, for you never can tell what may come 
up. But, mercy ! hear me go on ! (She stands up) 
And I came over for only a minute to find out about 
the meeting. (Thoughtfully and worriedly) I do 
hope the baby will be all right while I am out. 
Babies are a blessing, but they are a terrible care. 
I tell Joe that a man has no idea of the anxieties of 
a mother ! Men are out in the world having a good 
time all day long, while their wives sit home worry- 
ing over them and the babies. But, of course, Joe 
can't see my point of view, although he's the dearest 
husband in all the world ! Joe says that he doesni 
have a good time all day long — but every time I go 
into his office he's just talhing, and anybody knoivs 
that that isn't hard work. Joe says that those talks 
give us all the nice things we have, but it's talk just 
the same, and you can't make me believe he doesn't 
enjoy it ! Why, almost everybody likes to talk ! 
(Siglis complacently) For myself — / prefer to 
listen ! But, we can't all be made alike. My, how 
the time does go — I really must hurry home ! 

Mrs. M. (Tlospitably) Now, don't forget — the 
meeting is at three. 

Mrs. E. All right, I think I can get here by that 
time if I hurry right liome, and get my work done. 
I tell Joe that nobody can ever say that I am not con- 
scientious about my housekeeping ! Well, good-bye — 
I'll be here at three o'clock. 

Mrs. M. Good-bye, Mrs. Erric. (E:vit Mrs. 
Erric. Mrs. Montgomery sinking into tlie nearest 
cliair) Joe, you must be superhuman!! 

Brii)Gi:t. (.1/ Ihe doorway, comes in and flops in 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 15 

a chair in imitation of Mrs. Montgomery) How 
did yez iver sthop her? 

Mrs. M. {Reprovingly) That will do, Bridget, 
1 don't want my guests criticized. Go do your work. 

Bridget. (Reluctantly) All roight. (Exit 
Bridget. Mrs. Montgomery once more endeavors 
to read her h elated mail. She just gets interested. 
Bridget coming in from the dining room, much 
houhled) Where's the snow? 

Mrs. M. The what 9 

Bridget. The snow! Ye tould me tuh make a 
snow puddin', and Oi've liunted all over the garden, 
hut there ain't anny snow! 

Mrs. M. {E.rhaustedly) Xever mind the pud- 
ding, Bridget. 

\ 
(BiMixiET gets as far as the dining room door, and 
I lien- a new idea strikes her.) 

BRiDGf-yr. Whin d'yez want yer looncli ? 

Mrs. M. Why, is it lunch time? (Aside) And 
what liave 1 accomplished! {To Bridget) Is the 
hnicli ready, Bridget. 

BuiixiET. Indade it is not — it ain't ready at all, 
at all. T jist wanted to know wJiin ye moight be 
al'ther a -wan tin' it. 

Mrs. M. {Trying to keep her patience) You 
may go right ahead with it — I shall eat it as soon 
a^ it is ready. 

r)Kii)GKT. (Cheerfully) All roight. mum. (E.rit 

1)1MI)GET) 

{Jiisl (IS Mi.'s. Montgo.mei{Y picli-s up a teller . I he 
'phone hell rings.) 

Mf.'s. M. (Answering) This is t)43-3.— This is 
Mrs. Montgomery. Who? — i^yith a change of voice) 
Oh, Miss Acribel — good morning. — What? You're 
not comiuu? Why not?— Xo. of course we couldn't 



16 THE TPJALS OF A HOSTESS. 

^et alono- just as well without you. That poem of 
jours is to be one of the features of the day ! — Oh, 
no, you shouldn't feel that way ! — What did you 
say? — Why, I am sure sjie didn't mean it that way. 
She was talking to me just a few minutes ago, and 
she said nothing about it then. — Oh, T am sure you 
must have misunderstood her ! — No, she wouldn't 
hurt your feelings purposely. — Then we may expect 
you at three? — Why, of course! — All right then, 
good-bye. (Mrs. Montgomery hol-s at her vn-read 
mail hopelessly) 

Bridget. {Calling from the dining room) Mrs. 
Montgomery, come on and git yer loonch. 

Mrs. M. {Aside) What an awful din! 

Bridget. {€aUinr/ louder) Mrs. Montgomery, 
come on and eat, 

Mrs. M. {Nervously) How civn I ever stand 
this! 

Bridget. {Walhiny into the room and addressing 
her niistress reproachfully) Yer food is on the table 
^don't ye want it? Oi hollered, but Oi guess ye 
didn't hear me. 

Mrs. M. {Wearikj) All right, Bridget. (Mrs. 
Montgomery follows Bridget from the rooui. The 
curtain is drann ivliile Mks. Montgomery is ivaltc- 
ing across the stage) 

CURTAIN. 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 17 



ACT IT. 

Scene: — The same. 

Time : — Afternoon. 

{Enter Mrs. Montgomery. She looks around the 
room, and seeituj that it hasn't been put in 
proper order for the meeting, rings for Bridget. 
She is unanstvered. She rings several times in 
vain . 

Mrs. M. I wonder Avhere that girl can be (Exit 
Mrs. Montgomery. Enter Mrs. Montgomery, with 
Bridget iii toir. Bridget is arrayed in a hlacJc dress 
[made of lining) a white apron (about six inches in 
diameter) and a maid's cap (about twice too large). 
Bridget is thoroughly pleased tvith her clothes, and 
walks had' and forth to show them off. Mrs. Mont- 
gomery ignoring Bridget^s antics) We will need 
some extra chairs, Bridget. Yon may get them from 
the other room, and I will help you arrange them. 

Bridget. (Loolcing ruefully down at her "best 
dress," shakes her head sadly) All roight. mnm. 
(Exit Bridget) 

( K titer Bridget, hringing in the ctiairs ivitJi a mighty 
clatter. She falls over one; humps another 
against Mrs. Montgomery, and raises general 
havoc. SJie finally gets the chairs in, hut is so 
clumsy that Mrs. Montgomery finally does all 
tlie work of arranging them, tvhile Bridget, 
arms akimbo, ivatches her do it all.) 

Mrs. M. {Arranging the chairs) - Yon see, 



18 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

Bridget, one chair should go here — another one here 
— one here, and so on. Yon may finish. (Exit Mrs. 
Montgomery) 

Bridget. (Standing in the middle of the floor for 
a minute) Sez the missns, ' Look all over the house, 
as you go through a room. (She cranes her neck, 
and then .w,atches a chair from its place and puts it 
hack again) Ivcrijthing's got a place — put it in it! ' 
(Exit Bridget) 

{The door hell rings. Bridget rw'<hes from, the 
dining room into the hall, and ushers in Miss 
Votine. Simultaneously Mrs. Moxtgomery 
comes in from the dining room., Bridget gape>i 
at the two women as they greet each otlier.) 

Mrs. M. (To Miss Votine) How do you do. 
Miss Votine. (To Bridget in an underlone) Yon 
may go. 

Bridget. (Smiling broadly) Eh? 

Mrs. M. (Emphatically) You may go, Bridget. 

Bridget. All roight. 

Miss A^ot'INE. [Witli a crisp, sharp manner of 
speech) Am I the first one here? (Mrs. Mont- 
gomery nods affirmatively) Well,.! believe in being 
])rompt. Bather an hour ahead of tlie time than a 
minute after it is viy motto. 

Mrs. M. (Oraciously) Some one has to be first 
you know. Miss Votine, and T am very glad to see 
you, I am sure. Won't you sit down ? 

Miss Votine. Thank you. 

(They both sit down.) 

Mrs. M. Have you had a pleasant summer? 

Miss V. Oh, yes, very, I liave attended three 
women's sulfrage conventions; liave marched in two 
parades; have given fonr lectures — and then, I spent 
M. week in the country — wliere I gave a series of talks 
in tlie town liall. 



THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. 19 

Mrs. M. But when do you rest? 
Miss V. (Sharply) Rest? Why should I rest? 
How can I waste time resting when there is so much 
to be done? The time for women to act is notu. 
The noiv is all we have— and I should be ashamed 
to dally by the wayside enjoying myself! Oh, no, I 
must be busy! If every one were as interested in 
woman's suffrage as I am, no one would rest until 
woman was handed the ballot! 

Mrs. M. (Meekly) Oh! (The door hell rings. 
Like a shot Bridget phinges through the room, and 
heading the line, ushers in several members of the 
<JluJ) ' (Stipes may be introduced here to swell the 
menibership of the club, if desired.) The Secretary 
and Treasurer enter first— the supes, if any, come 
next— 'then Mrs. Erric and lastly Mrs. De Vausney 
Mrs. Erric is eclipsed by Mrs. De Vausney, a?id 
while Mrs. Montgomery is greeting the supes, Mrs. 
Hrric goes over to Miss Votine, and begins to talk 
In an aside. Mrs. Montgomery greets all the guests 
in an undertone until she comes to MRS. De Vausney, 
whom she welcomes with acclaim. Bridget stands 
aside listening. Mrs. Montgomery to Mrs. De 
ViusNEY) How do you do, Mrs. De Vausney!^ 

Mrs De V. (Taking all of the conversation into 
her own hands, sure of' attentive listeners) How do 
vou do I was so afraid I would have to stay at 
home after all, for when I rang for my car the 
chauifeur found, upon going out to the garage, that 
the two rear tires were flat, but he got the gardemr 
to help him-so here I am ! But while I was wait- 
ing I put my time to good use. I called myhome- 
k^per to me," and told her to keep a watch on the new 
rook, while I was out. The cook, you see, doesn t get 
alone- at all well with the chambermaid, so I thought 
I m?o-ht as well make it plain, first as last, that i 
would have no quarrelling. / /te^^e friction among 
servants! My butler couldn't get along at all well 
with the h\^t' personal maid 1 had— so I had to dis- 



20 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

charge the maid. It's the queerest thing, but my 
nurse has such an odd disposition that the least 
quarrelling upsets lier completeh^, so that she is unfit 
for her work — and I cannot have thai! One can't b(^ 
too careful, with a real corps of servants! {She 
looks around to see if she is malcing the proper im- 
pression, and finds all eyes upon her, so is satisfied) 

EiUDGET. (Standing at the doorway — and in an 
aside) Oi wonder why she don't mintion her other 
servants ! 

Mrs. M. ( ll7io hm listened raptJy to Mrs. De 
N'aitsney) Yes, I suppose that is so ! (Mrs. Mont- 
(JOMERY looks around the room, and sees Mrs. Errk' 
for the first time) OIi, Mrs. Erric, I didn't see you 
before — I was just beginning to be afraid that you 
were not coming. 

(Mrs. Ereic; comes over and shakes hands with her 
hostess, bat turns quicMy to Mrs. De Vausnby, 
who is her idol.) 

Mrs. E. (Seating herself next to Mrs. De 
Vausney) What a shame you are so troubled. I 
Jell Joe that there is some truth in ' blessed be noth- 
ing ' — ^for what you don't have, you can't worry 
over. But, I suppose if I had as many servants as 
yon. luive, I'd be worrying too — for / should never 
know where the money was coming from to ])ay them. 
But, I su])pose you must get some pleasure out of 
tJiem — even though you don't know what to do witli 
them ! 

(Mrs. Dk N'acsxey bridles, but says noildng. Mrs. 
ErriC; not noticing her social error, goes on 
chatting with Mrs. De \^\us]srEY in pantomime. 
The door beU rings, and agaifi Bridcjet rushes 
through the room. Enter Mrs. Jones and Mrs. 
\V.\RbLER and other su.pes, if desired, and last, 
droopingly and sadly comex Miss Acribel. 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 21 

Mes. Montgomery greets them all individually, 
and then, comes to Miss Aceibel. Bridget, who 
watches the greeting, wilts under the ster'n glare 
from Miss Acribrl, and hurries from the room.) 

Mrs. M. (To Miss Acribel) Good afternoon, 
Miss Acribel. T am so ^lad you could come. 

Miss Acribel. (DolefuHy) Are you? IVs a 
wonder ! It's a wonder that anyone should be glad 
to see anyone else — or that anyone should be glad at 
anything! When there is so much misery and sorrow 
in the world, it's a marvel that anybody can smile, or 
that anybody dares to be happy ! I know I am not 
happy, for one. Why should I laugh when there are 
those who weep? (She sighs deeply and audibly) 

(Everybody sighs as Miss Acribel finishes.) 

Mrs. E. (Tactlessly) But this is a beautiful day, 
and everybody should feel well and happy in this 
glorious sunshine ! I told Joe this morning that any- 
body who couldn't be happy on a day like this, must 
be sour all the way from the inside, out. 

(Miss Acribel glowers at Mrs. Erric.) 

Mrs. E. (Rushing on) I tell you, there is noth- 
ing like having a home and a husband and a baby 
to keep you so busy that you haven't time to think 
of anything else. Why, I tell Joe that if all the old 
ma — (Catches herself just in time. Miss Acribel 
and Miss Votine jump involuntanly) — if all the 
women in the world had as much to think about as / 
have, this world would be a pretty busy place. 

Miss V. (Breaking in) Busy? What d^ you 
know of the busy world, Mrs. Erric — you, who are 
surrounded by four walls ? If you would like to know 
how busy it is possible for a woman to be, get into 
tlie fray and fight for a big principle. Work for 



^2 THE TEIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

Equal Suffrage ! Peel the battle pressing against 
you; put 3'our shoulder to the wheel, and pull for the 
xliore!! (She does not notice her mixed metaphors, 
hut seems pleased at her hvrsl of oratory. As she 
suhsldesy the conversation becomes a general buzz. 
Mrs. Montgomery, to hrimj the meeting to order, 
dips on the table) 

Mrs. M. Now ladies! (Unnoticed, she taps again, 
iind in a louder voice) Now ladies! 

(The conversation gradually subsides.) 

Mrs. M. (Chairman of the day) I am sure, 
ladies, that we are all Nery glad to be together again 
jis a Club. The summer has without doubt been of 
benefit to us all, and we have come together with the 
determination to do even better work than we did 
last year. We shall depart from the usual order of 
things to-day (as it is our first meeting of the sea- 
son) and give less time to business, and more time 
to the program. We will now listen to the Secretary's 
report. 

Secretary. The last meeting of the Woman's 
General Information Club was held at the home ol' 
Mrs. De Vausney, last May. A program was given 
and almost everybody liked it. 

Mrs. M. (Pompously) You have heard the 
Secretary's report. What will you do with it? 

Mrs. E. (Who has been chatting witJi, Mrs; De 
Vausney) I second the motion. 

Mrs. M. But there is no motion before the house. 

Mrs. E. Well, then, what tvas the motion I 
seconded. 

Mrs. M. Why, there was no motion. Will yoii 
inaJce the motion? 

Mrs. E. Yes. (She goes right on iaihing to Mrs. 
De Vausney) 

Mrs. De Vausney. (^To Mrs. Erric) My butler 
is so irresponsible — you've no idea ! 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 23 

Miss V. (Apropos of nothing) I second the 
motion. 

Miss Acribel. (Sourly) Madam President, 
what is the motion ? 

Mrs. M. (In confusion) AMi}^ — why — Oh, yes- 
it was ^' what will you do with the Secretary's report," 
and the motion has been made and seconded. All 
in favor please say " Aye." 

(All say " aye " except Miss Acribel, wlio em- 
phatically says " no!') 

Mrs. M, (Iqnoriny the contrary vote) The 
motion is carried, and we will now have the 
Treasurer's report. 

Treasurer. We would have had a dollar in the 
treasury, onlv I had to buy stamps — so we haven't 
anything. 

Mrs. M. You have heard the Treasurei*'s report. 
What will you do with it? 

Bridget. (Standing in the doorway remarlcs in 
an aside) Give me the dollar ye haven't got, and 
Oi sind it fer a prisint to Oirland ! 

Mrs. De V. (Bising airi-shly) I make a motion, 
and second it, that this report be accepted — so that 
we can 2:et through with the business, and proceed 
with the program. 

Mrs. M. (Failing to notice all lacTc of parlia- 
mentary law) The motion has been made, and 
seconded, and if everybody will please say " aye," we 
will proceed with the program. 

(All say ''aye " except Miss Acribel.) 

Mrs. M. And now that the business is all finished, 
I wish to say, as President of this Club, that it gives 
me great pleasure to announce that we have been 
fortunate enough to secure Mrs. Chaminade-B.eet- 
hoven- Jones, who will play the piano for us. Mrs. 
Jones has acquired well earned fame as a pianist. 



24 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

^he has climbed to the musical pinnacle from the 
depths of scales and arpeggios. Starting as a child, 
with mere five-finger exercises, she has risen to the 
enviable position which she now holds in the musical 
world. Ladies: Mrs. Chaminade- Beethoven- Jones ! 
("Mrs. Jones" plays the piano in a masterly way) 
The next number on our program will be a paper, 
written and read b}^ our staunch adherent of " Votes 
for Women," Miss Votine. The subject of her paper 
is, " The Effect of Equal Suffrage on the Price of 
Mucilage." Miss Votine ! 

Miss V. (Rising, and ho winy stiffly) Madam 
President, Ladies — and I am glad to say, no gentle- 
men: 

It will be my endeavor this afternoon to present to 
you the importance of Equal Suffrage, and its effect 
on — the price of mucilage ! 

Mucilage is a necessary evil, and as an evil should 
he controlled by the votes of all the people not by half 
of them! 

Man, being of a different fibre, cannot realize 
the importance of the situation. If he could, he 
would long since have devoted his energies to the 
enfranchisement of Women, so that between them, 
they could have investigated this prolilem, -and by 
their concerted efforts put mucilage in a place where 
(he merest child could get it!! 

In this fight for a principle, you will meet with 
oposition, but that is to be expected. The Men will 
look at you with an indulgent smile, and will say, 
' Why do you bother your head about the price of 
mucilage ? Why not leave such a vital matter to the 
Men ? What do you, as a woman, know about the 
mucilage industry that makes you fitted to talk, or 
even to think about it ? Do you know the component 
parts of mucilage, and all of the phases of its manu- 
facture? Every maii does, of course — so leave this 
matter to the Men.' That is the attitude the men 
will take, but do not let it disconcert you. 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 25 

It is absolutely necessary for the best interests of 
the home; the State; the Country — and the world — 
that the price of mucilage be regiilated — and this 
will never happen until women have the vote ! ! 

Mucilage makes the postage stamp do its duty — 
therefore it is the guardian of the LTnited States' 
mail ! It keeps personal correspondence from the 
eyes of the postman and the housemaid — therefore, 
it is a competent watchman ! It helps us mend the 
borrowed book, so that when it is returned, the tear 
isn*t noticed — therefore it is a peacemaker, and an 
ever-present help in trouble! 

So, you can readily see how closely allied Woman's 
Siiifrage is to the price of mucilage — and in the face 
of this vital subject, do you wonder that I raise my 
voice in seasoii (and out of season) for votes for 
women? 

Ladies, this is a tenacious subject, and it will stick 
to you closely, despite your eiforts to rid yourselves 
of it — so give it your careful consideration — and see 
if it does not make you think more seriously of votes 
for IV omen I! 

{At the conclusion of this speech Miss Votine ivavef^ 
her arms dramatically, and after much appJa/use 
from the Club, she struts to her seat, well pleased 
ivith her arguments.) 

Mrs. M. And now, the next number will be a solo 
by a great favorite of ours — Mrs. Nordica-Shumann- 
Ifeinck-Warbler. It gives me great pleasure U> 
present Mrs. Warbler. 

(A good vocal number is to he introduced here.) 

Mrs. M. And now the last number on the program 
{Hastily as Miss Acribel looJcs injured at being 
last) but I hasten to say no/ the least wil]^ be an 
original poem by Miss Acribel. Miss zVcribel! 



26 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

(Miss Acribel rises droopingly, and with man if 
sighs and groans, and in the most dismaJ tone, 
reads (or recites) the following poem.) 

WHAT'S THE USE? 

Oh, what is the use of being gay, 

When sadness is hirking near? 
And what is the use of a smiling face. 

While the eye can shed a tear? 

Oh. why should we praise the rose that blows. 

And speak of its matchless charm? 
We view the blossom with pleasure, 'tis true. 

But we view the thorn with alarm ! 

Oh, Where's the good in a song-bird's note. 

^A^len the croak of the frog rasps out. 
And where is the joy in a summer rain. 

When there's always a chance of a drought? 

Oh, what if the sky above is blue. 

It might just as well be green, 
For think of the days when the dark clouds come. 

And the blue of the sky can't be seen ! 

And, where's the thrill in a star-tilled sky. 

When the danger is so inmiense ! 
Each star might turn to a comet some day. 

And dash us from hither to hence ! ! 

Oh, what's the use of youth's bright days. 

When old age comes on a-pace 

And, what of the goal you may liavc won. 

When you've had to run the race ! 

Oh, what is the use of you, or me, 

Or of anyone here, or there 

And what is the use of this, or that 

Or of anything, anywhere! ! ! 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 27 

{Everi/hody sighs, a^s Miss Aceibel finishes this 

''ivail") 

Mks. M. And now. our program is finished — and 
I am sure we liave all enjoyed it very much. All in 
favor of adjournino- to talk and have refreshments 
will please say " aye." 

{This time the vole Is unanimous, A buzz of con- 
versation starts. Mrs. Montgomery haves the 
room and returns immediately with Bridget, 
whom, she instructs to carry off the extra chairs.) 

Mrs. M. {To Bridget) Please take off the extra 
v-hairs, Bridoet. 

Bridget. All roi^^ht, mum. (Bridget rushes in 
among the guests, and approaches Mrs. De Vausney, 
irho is chatting with Mrs. Erric. Bridget to Mrs. 
De Votike) Wud yez moind gittin' up? 

( Mrs. De Vausney is disgusted, and takes very little 
jyains to hide it.) 

Mrs. De Y. (To Mrs. Erric) That's the worst 
of servants ! My butler is so stupid I have given up 
hopes of ever teaching him anything! 

( General conversation. Different groups form. Mrs. 
Montgomery talks io Mrs. De Vausney — Mrs. 
Erric turns and talks to Mrs. Jones, Miss 
Votine holds forth to the Secretary and Treas- 
urer, etc. Above the general conversation is 
heard these bursts:) 

Mrs. E. But T tell Joe that a woman's work is 
never done ! 

Miss V. (Oratorically) I tell you, if the women 
would only unite and get the vote 

Mrs. M. (Who has left Mrs. De Vausney a7id 



28 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTPJSS. 

lias taken the center of the stage, says in an aside) 
Oh, if she will 07ily behave until they are _2:one. 

{Enter Bridget with a tray full of dishes. She trips 
and falls, hreaking the dishes icitli a great noise.) 

Bridget. (Half in tears) Bad cess to these 
parties, aiinyway. The\' make me so ner\ous, they 
do, that me hand shakes i very thing roight ont u\ it. 
Why can't they ^o home and lave me a little rist and 
quiet loike ! 

(.l.s- Bridget falls Mrs. Erhic, irho is the only one lu 
give Bridget anything but angry looks, starts 
to pick up the prostrate girl, Jiesitates, and finally 
her kindness of Jieart overcomes lier desire to act 
like Mrs. De A^ausxey, and she goes over and 
helps Bridget arise. Bridget, orercouic by this 
one act of kindness, gives vent to her tears, and 
goes off the stage howling. Quiet is finally 
restored, and then couics the departure of tlie 
guests. ) 

Mrs. Erric. {Coming u/i to Mrs. Montgomery 
in a flutter) I told Joe that 1 would be home early, 
so 1 jnust go now. T tell you, this afternoon was 
almost worth leaving my housework for — and if the 
baby is all right when I get home, I'll feel that the 
meeting wasn't a waste of time after all. (Jood-bye. 

Mrs. M. (lood-bye. 

(Mlfs. Dk \'al'SN"EY is the ncit to leave. Slie ap- 
proaches her lioslcss irith many airs.) 

Mrs. 1)e \'. {Sliaking liands affectedly) (Good- 
bye, Mrs. Moutgomery. A I'eally deliglitful time. 
{Patronizingly) Now. souie afternoou. if I cau spare 
tbe time from my luany social duties, and the ear 
is nimiim'' all riu'bt. and the cbnulVeur lias iiothimi- 



THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. 29 

else to do, I'll come down and take you for a little 
spin throng] 1 the Park. 

Mrs. M. (Sarcastically) I am sure that is most 
kijid of yon. 

(Some of the ^' stipes *' depart here, and make their 
adieux in undertones.) 

Miss Aciubel. (Dismally) It could have been 
worse, conldn't it? Of eonrse, we can't expect to 
have meetings like real clubs, but I suppose there are 
some that don't have as good meetings as ours, so we 
can be comfoi-fed. (Anxioush)) Do yon think it will 
rain before 1 get home? 

Mrs. M. Why, T am sure it won't. We had a 
beautiful sunset. 

Miss A. Oh, I know — but you never can tell how 
quickly the storm clouds will gather. The sun may 
be shining one minute — but it may be raining the 
next ! 

Mrs. M. Well, I hope you will get home all right 
tliis time. Good-bye. 

(The rest of the " supes/' and the Secretary and 
Treasurer, also the pianist and soloist depart 
here.) 

Miss Y. Well, good-bye, Mrs. Montgomery. 1 
hope my talk this afternoon will prove good seed in 
good ground — and that the results may be as the 
sands of the seashore. If you would like any further 
information on the subject of Equal Suffrage, just 
let me know and I will come down and talk it over 
De Vausney) Wud yez moind gittin' up? 
with you. Why, T could talk a ic^eek without stop- 
ping. Good-bye. 

(When the last one finally goes, Mrs. Montgomery 
drops into a chair, completely exhausted. Enter 



30 THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

Bridget. She flops down in a chair, imiuitat- 
ing Mrs. Montgomery.) 

Bridget. (With great inter ed) Did t/ez loike 
i/er party ? 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



ACT III. 

Scene : — The same. 

Time: — An hour later. 

Sc^ENK: — Witti the rise of the curtain, Bridget is 

discovered " straigtitening " up the room. She 

' dusts the most ridiculous places. Her duster 

is long and narrow, iler ivorl' grows slower 

and sloiver until she fin>ally ceases altogether. 

Bridget. {Soliloquizing) So thot^s a Club? 
P»egobs, Oi AAOiider if they do thot for a good toime. 
or only because there's nothing ilse around handy- 
loike fer thim to do ! Oi wonder wot they would do 
with a rale toinie, loike a good, rolliekin' dance on 
the Green, or a picnic in the woods where iyerybody 
sits down conifortai)le-loike whin they eat, instid o' 
stlumdin' around in comers^ seein' how long they can 
hold a cup an' saucer; a sandwich ; a napkin; a cake; 
a candy: and some nuts widout a-sphillin' anny of 
ihim? Xo wonder Oi dhropped thot tray! Oi guess 
Oi had to do it to save some o' thim the throuble 
(>' doin' it thimsilves. {Thouglilfully) But Oi'm 
sorry Oi sphilt thot tray, Oi am. Oi wonder wot the 
Hiissus'll be a-sayin' to me fer a-smashin' of her 
dislu'S. Oh, well, it's not me thot meant to do it. 



THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 3] 

How did Oi know the rug was goin' to jump up 
and ketch me toe ! (She tvalks slowly up and down 
tJie room — and then a thought strikes her. Lifting 
an imaginanj lorgnette to her eyes, she imitates 
Mrs. De Vausney) Oi wonder why thot woman car- 
ried her specs on a sthick? {She arranges her duster 
for a train, and swishes up and down in imitation of 
Mrs. De Vausney) Oh, yis, me butler, me baker and 
me candle-stick-maker are out playin' tag wid the 
cook, and the chambermaid, and the dogcatcher — and 
iverybo^dy ilse Oi own. {She arranges her train as she 
turns — and adjusts her " lorgnette "") Oi got a orter- 
raobile, and Oi own the mon wot runs it — and if ye 
donH believe Oi've got anny more servants than Oi 
can think uv all at wance, jist come around some day, 
and if Oi can't think uv annything OiM rather do, 
Oi'll sit me down fer a minute or two, and tell ye 
about the rist. (Bridget suddenly remembers thai 
she was supposed to he ivorhing, and hegins to dust 
vigorously. The 'phone hell rings. Bridget waving 
her hand at the 'phone) Kape sthill, you bell — don't 
you know the Missus had a Club here to-day, and 
ithot she's all heat up? {The hell rings again — and 
Bridget's voice is louder) Kape sthill there — Oi'm 
afther a-tellin' ye thot the missus is shleepin' and 
ye'll be a-wakin' uv her. {She screams at the ringing 
'phone) So ye won't kape sthill, eh? Well, it's not 
me thot's goin' to have a little bell a-talkin' back at 
me. Kape sthill!!! {She starts for the 'phone) 

{Enter Mrs. Montgomery, in a lounging rohc.) 

Mrs. M. {Wearily) What is the matter, Bridget? 

Bridget. Oh, mum, it's the little hell wot's gone 
and woke ye up. Oi tould it, it would be afther 
a-doin' it! 

Mrs. M. {Answering the 'phone) Hello I 
What's that? The wrong* number ? {With a sigh) 
All right. {Turning to Bridget) N'ow, Bridget, 



32 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 

I am going" to lie down again for a few minutes. 
I am very tired, so please get the room in order and 
quickly and as quietly as possible. (Exit Mrs. 
Montgomery, walHru/ very doivly) 

(Bridget star fa her ivork again, hut soon her 
ihmights get the hetter of her, and she worhs 
slower and slower — and then stops altogether.) 

Bridget. {Groaning prodigiously in iniitation of 
Miss xicRisEL) Me name is Bridget — hut' ivliat's 
the use! Me hair is red and Oi know it — hut 
it'hafs the use! Oirland is in wan place — and 
Americy ainf — hut ivhat's the use! (She stares into 
racancy for a minute, and then putting her duster 
around her^ the way Miss Yotine wore her '' Votes 
for Women '' insignia, she iniitates Miss A'otixe. 
Bridget as she arranges the duster) Oi wonder wot 
tliot woman wanted with a vote. {[laving arranged 
the duster, she looks down at it in a satisfied manner, 
and spelts out the ivords) Yotes — for — Women! 
(Oratorical ty) Why sliouldn't the women vsuffer 
equal wid the men? They would if they knew the 
price of — mucilage! Wliy don't they know it? 
Votes for Women! \'otes for Women would keep 
a sthamp on a letter, so it's a sthicker ! Votes for 
Women would keep a housemaid, so it's a help to 
trouble ! Votes for Women borrows yer neighbor's 
book and tears it. Oi liaven't got anny vote, and 
tliot's the only reason Oi want it! (Hhe ]nounts to a 
chair) Votes fer Women ! ^ Azotes fer Chauifeurs, 
t'er Waitresses, fer Butlers, fer — wofs the use — as 
01 tell Joe — me name is Bridget O'Flinnigin! ! ! 
(She males an elahoraie hotv — and just in the middle 
of it, Mrs. Montgomkry walks into the room and 
stopm aghast. Bridget half stops her how. and then 
finisJies it — to Mrs. Montgomery) 

FINAL ( UETAIX. 



HER LORD AND MASTER. 

A Comedy in Three Acts, by Martha Morton. Six males, five females. 
Costumes modern. One interior and one exterior scene. Plays a full 
evening. 

Miss Morton has furnished the stag-e with some very entertainiiitr 
comedies, and this is one of her best- Tlie plot concerns the marriag'e 
of an American grirl to an English Viscount. In the original produc- 
tion Miss EfRe Shannon played the girl and Mr. Herbert Kelcey played 
the Viscount. Price, 50 cents. 

A BACHELOR'S ROMANCE. 

A Comedy in Four Acts, by Martha Morton. Seven males, four 
females. Costumes modern. Three interior scenes. Plays a full 
evening. 

This is the celebrated comedy produced by Mr. Sol Smith Russell for 
so many years with great success. Mr. Russell played the part of David 
Holmes, a Quaint, odd character. He Is a bachelor, country editor and 
literary critic, so absorbed in his work that the outside world has little 
interest for him. In fact, he has even overlooked the circumstance 
that his ward, Sylvia, who lives with a maiden aunt, has outgrown 
childhood, and he still sends her dolls and other to.vs as presents. 

When, however, this oversight is made clear to him by the arrival of 
the young woman herself a change comes over his life. The critical 
sanctum grows too narrow for him and his Interest in her leads him out 
into the world. And now the man who has lived in a woi-ld of the mind 
learns that there is a world of the heart, for he comes to regard his 
charming ward with feelings more tender than those of fatherly inter- 
est. But his sense of honor forbids him to disclose these. Nor does he 
Imagine for a moment that she, chai'ming girl, could become lutere.sted 
in him. a crusty old bachelor. At last, however, an attempt on his 
part to arrange a suitable marriage for her leads to the disclosure that 
she loves him. Miss Annie Russell played Sylvia in tlie original New 
York production. Price, 50 cents. 



NIOBE. 



A Fantastic Comedy in Three Acts. Five males, seven females. The 
comedy by Harry and Edward Paulton is peculiarly suited to the use 
of schools and colleges, containing as it does much humor, only fully 
appi'eciated by those in the course of their classical studies. The play 
bristles with allusions mythological and historical, wliich only serve to 
set oflE the excessive modernity of the work as a whole. 

The story concerns itself with the revivification of the statue of N lobe, 
who was turned into stone by Phoebus and Artemis, who wearied of her 
incessant tears for her lost children. The statue is in the keeping of 
Peter Amos Dunn, an insurance broker, and comes to life while his 
family are at tlie theatre seeing Pygmalion and Galatea, 

Hopeless of convincing his wife of the truth of the story of the statue's 
animation, he introduces Nlobe as the new governess they are expect- 
ing and the situation thus set up is the beginning of many perplexities 
and endless laughter. Niobe is what is known as a sure-fire laugh pro- 
ducer and contains many good almost self-acting parts^ — that of Niobe 
being especially effective with its combination of queenly majesty and 
naivete in the midst of her modern surroundings. Price, 50 cents. 

THE SUPERIOR HISS PELLENDER. 

An original comedy in three acts, by Sidney Bowkett. 2 males, 4 
females. Costumes modern. I exterior, 1 interior scene. Time, 2 
hours. 

A gentle, amiable widow-mother is Mrs. Pellender. Each member of 
her family is strongly characteristic. Edith, a malade imaginalre; 
Nancy, a tom-boy; Noel, a mischievous youth; and the superior Miss 
Pellender, as crisp as a biscuit, sharp as a knife, and the terror of the 
family. The mother falls in love with a diffident gentleman named 
Tlster. but to break the news to her unsparing child she feels the great- 
est reluctance. She and her fiance are quite unable to muster sufficient 
courage to "confess," and, in ultimate desperation, they elope, leaving 
a note behind explaining. 

This Is a clever, high-class comedy, particularly suited to production 
by girls' schools and colleges, and it should prove a great success wher- 
ever produced. It was originally produced at The Playhouse. London, 
with Mr. Cyril Maude in the role of Mr. Tister. Price, 50 cents. 

These plays are subject to royalty when produced. 
Our 124 Page Catalogue Sent Free on Application. 



JUST P7 *«WKn 



CONGRESS 9» 




"STRONG 

WILLIAM C. de MILLE'S GRI M§SIIIMBIBMB>III!I><III ^* 

^^^ 683 _ _ 

The story of *' STRONGHEART. " is that of an Indian, named Strong- 
heart; the son of a cliief, who has been sent by his tribe to Carlysle, and 
then to Columbia, that lie may return and impart the wisdom of the East. 
Strong'heart takes a thorough course in football, and when he arrives at 
Columbia he is a crack halfback of the Morning^side team, 

The first act is laid in the rooms of Frank Nelson and Dick Livingston, 
also members of the team, Thorne.of the team, is jealous of Livingston. 
Tn order to plunge the latter into debt, he has wagered with him $3000 on 
the result of the approaching contest, and then plots to lose the game for 
his own eleven, by sending a list of signals to the rival team. 

Act II is played in the teams' dressing room. Between halves the treach- 
ery is discovered. Strongheart is placed under suspicion and dismissed 
from his team. 

Victory follows, nevertheless, and the curtain falls on a scene of rejoicing. 

The next two acts ai-e devoted more to the love interest in the play. 
Strongheart declares his love for Dorothy Nelson, the captain's sister, and 
learns that while she loves him in return, the prejudice of her family and 
friends give emphatic objections to the marriage. 

Thorne is exposed as the traitor who divulged the signals and just as 
Dorothy and Strongheart have decided to marry despite family prejudices, 
a member of his tribe enters and announces the death of the young man's 
father. 

Black Eagle, the messenger, demands that Strongheart return, assume 
the honor of chief, and discharge his debt to the tribe for the education 
they have given him. 

Wavering between love and duty, Strongheart finally promises to throw 
aside his love and return to his people. 

CRITICISMS 



HERALD-NEW YORK. 

" Strongheart" is a good, strong American play. 
PRESS-NEW YORK. 

Than *' Strongheart" no more satisfying entertainment has been 
vouchsafed to us so far this year. 
EVENING SUN-NEW YORK. 

" Strongheart " has dramatic qualities which are startling and 
true. 

LIFE-NEW YORK. 

There is a delightful atmosphere about ** Strongheart." 
HERALD-BOSTON. MASS. 

■' Strongheart " is one of the greatest American plays ever written. 

** Strongheart " was played for three seasons by Robert Edeson, and for 
one season each by Ralph Stuart and Edgar Selwyn. The fact tha* 
almost all the characters are college boys and girls, makes the pre- 
vailing spirit of the play one of youth, and renders it particularly 
suitable to the needs of Amateur Dramatic Clubs and Organization*. 

The Cast i* 17 males and 5 females. Plays a lull eTeniai* 



price: 50 CENTS. 



Tlus play is subjeot to royalty when produced. 



